Tonight, was better than the last time I went up.
The nerves were on my freaking head the entire day. Up until today it wasn’t clear to me when I’d go back.
It was so bad last time.
Everyone who was up there was a regular and I REALLY liked that feeling. Two people who were usually there were absent, which was a bummer.
Everyone did well tonight. It was nice. The audience seemed to want to laugh, which always helps.
One guy talked to another performer’s date.
The oldest guy probably did better than I’ve ever seen him perform.
This time when I got up, I immediately zoned out- which was a comfort. When I can’t see anyone from the stage it means I’m doing alright.
I started with a dirty joke. I ended with some shaky prop work. The last joke was not great but, yes, they “got me”.
Afterward, I left the bar and tried to calm down. I didn’t want to just leave tonight for some reason, maybe I wanted to bask in the company. It felt good.
There was another comic I liked, I tried to pay them a compliment, and looking back I think I fucked it up. Moving on. I told him I thought he was good and he said, “Oh, you’re a comic.”
Says the person who didn’t see me perform. He wasn’t in the room, he was outside, I don’t think it was shade.
I said, “Yes.” Might have been a little offended but I didn’t mean to be.
Someone else asked if my Husband and I were “together” but in a super awkward way- Straight men are tragic. I am behaving because he was cute. He literally said are you two, and made a hand motion, with the fingers locked. (He makes some jokes I don’t care for but the way straight men misunderstand their homosexual brothers.) it was not great but I’ve been oblivious to other peoples emotions or the impression Im making so, there we are.
Husband was amused, He said, “Say it, you can say it” it was so hot. Yes, we are. THAT. Later, I watched him tell a lie which was hotter.
There was a very cute moment where two comics got to talking and everyone was having a great time for just a minute, and it was great.
This time, I wanted to talk about poverty, that’s not really where it went.
About halfway through the evening , it occurred to me that I needed a drink. Thankfully, I listened and got one. I didn’t know if it would work. When I got up on stage, I wasn’t sure I had the crowd until they laughed at the first joke.
Tonight was good, it wasn’t the best, but better than last time.
I really don’t like it when people ask me how long I’ve been performing when my Father was a hardass alcoholic- forever. The answer is always. If not for Papa Bear then for the Church, until I left church at 16. The difference is that now I can say what I think is funny. It’s all the same. I’m behaving.
One guy gave me an unsolicited critique . I didn’t like him before and I don’t like him now, even though he did say something nice. I guess, whatever.
I don’t hate him or anything. The person he was with told me I was funny, but whatever.
I try to be kind to people I’m not “thrilled about”, most of the time I can’t.
I told her that he was funnier than he came across tonight. Not that he needed it, just a kind gesture. He wasn’t there for that, came around the corner and WHAM-
“You’re a little off” then “but you’re good.”
…. Thank You.
But I’m a fucked up person who needs a critique. That’s what I get for being good.
I’m not crazy about him, he reminds me of my Father, without the charisma, but I am behaving.
Another guy tried to film and the crowd did not like it. They slowed down the moment he got onstage and no one responded to the greeting. No one wants to help someone else succeed. That’s what the reaction felt like. Just an observation.
I sure think people should be better to each other, but what the fuck would I know?
**And I wasn’t throwing shade by going to the bathroom during some sets, a bitch was trying not to break down sobbing, it was not great. I hate missing anything.**
Love you Guys, I’m about to try and chill out. Please have a good rest of this week.
If you are a regular guest mine, in this space, I appreciate the shit out of you.
Thank you so much.