That You know, That I haven’t waxed yet. I don’t care for your tone. I’ll get to it when I get to it.
Will be sushis Paired with soy sauce Served with faucet-water. AND I BETTER NOT HEAR ANY SHIT ABOUT IT
Will be Apples Paired with Broccoli And Emergen-C And I better not hear any shit about it
Cynthia Bailey was my least favorite housewife then I saw that she was the “least young”… Looking the way she does, what is she, magic? And She is from ALABAMA WHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! I can’t. And She is not scared of you, as nice and sweet as she looks, she will drop kick you in the tits.Continue reading “C.B.”
What the hell? I’m just going for it- Fuck!-that locker room was gross. The locker room always freaked me out. I was, to my knowledge, the only gay boy in my class, and I was just waiting to be attacked. I never came out, but I was still sure of it. So, I picked theContinue reading “School”
Fuck it, right? Let’s talk about high school. I was bright but had superior teachers in Florida. Alabama, except for a handful of brilliant teachers, no thank you. Southeastern education is as terrible as you think. Worse. ANYWAY My Bah Bah eventually let me slide on my grades because of my anxiety. I was aContinue reading “Because”
🏀🏀🏀🏀 150 DOLLARS? FOR A BASKETBALL??! Bitch!! What is that?! 🏀🏀🏀🏀 For what? Are they going give me the rest of the cow? Is it cow leather or horse leather?! Fucking UNICORN leather. Damn
For whatever reason I know this is true The only real difference between homosexual men and heterosexual men is their sexual orientation. Sounds plain to everyone, and you’d think, right? Ummm, no. I lived around actual hill people and I know the truth. We were EVERYWHERE, even at the end of the Earth. But peopleContinue reading “A Secret”
My Brother and I grew up next door to a￼ pair of sisters. Everyone thought we were going to marry each other. Their Father, was, rightly, “not there” for it. ￼That was a scary looking sob, okay? Trust me. When it slowly came out that I was gay he met me outside when I wasContinue reading “Next Door”
I have so much to do this year. It’s been almost as long with me in control of my life and I am not any safer. I’m in a better place, but no, it’s the same damn thing. I can’t help anyone. It’s alright. Super Alright. I got it.
I was walking down a windy street, lost in a daydream, when I went for it and prayed to my ance-sisters* for help. Their answer was soft and comforting…until, -WHAM!- “He won’t save you.” fell into my head in the correct tone. Then, sadder, “He can’t.” which eased it. Then, darker, “We couldn’t save ourselves.”Continue reading “Mama Said”
In Kindergarten our handwriting teacher freaked out on me. I was a Lefty and it was not okay. She was not fucking around. She screamed at me for a while. Thank goodness that’s all she did. I cannot write with my right hand, and I could tell she really wanted to mess up my leftContinue reading “Anxiety”
I forgot the male term for nymphomania￼ had to search for it and THIS. SHIT. COMES UP- I can’t. I cannot. I rebuke that. It is NOT more common in Women, you Bastards, that’s a lie. It’s a nasty, nasty lie. To soothe your pride, it is a LIE. Which is why you need yourContinue reading “Hyper”
Will be “Barbecue” “Flavored” “Vienna” “Sausages￼” Paired with a bowl of Sour Cream and Cheddar chips And Four or five fistfuls of Lemon Jello. Yes I did… “Spoon”?!! What, next you want plates? Get the fuck outta here with that!
Remember when Goodkind sounded off on that guy from New Zealand, personally, for selling hot copies of, whatever that book was? Not siding with a thief, but part of his lore is￼ how much money he made off his first book, Or Are you so hard up for $20? (Like, OFF on that guy.) JustContinue reading “Good”
Be a good Bounty Hunter….nope. I’d pick up smoking again I just know it￼ Be the best pimp… no. I’d mess up men who hurt women for free, and people who own houses are GROSS. Don’t start. Don’t start. GROSS. Be a good cop, don’t wanna. Even though, part of me wishes I had justContinue reading “Gold”
Is on HBO!!!! Do it… DO IT! DO IT!!
It’s Chambord And Blackberry Ginger ale It tastes like a wine cooler. Change your life. Flossie Sue, girl what you gonna do? It’s Saturday night, I never drink. Fuck it.
Is a must-watch for homosexual men. Learn something…some of it is goofy but most of it is on point. There’s nothing I hate more than a transphobic homosexual. No, you are going to be better because I say. Notes- NSFW-In a big way, worth the watch. I’m not crazy over nudity either but it didn’tContinue reading “Veneno”
￼I never look as good all day as I do at the gym. It’s aggravating because for the rest of the day, I look like shredded wheat. So, I get 2 hours of strength and coordination only to blunder through the rest of my day with my klutzy-ass and my rusted-tin-man-body…￼? It’s like that, huh?Continue reading “C”
Has this been all my life?? I can’t feel my face! Give it to me!!
Being able to come home clean from the gym is a luxury I never knew I needed. My last gym was low-rent and the locker room was freaking gross. It was. Im not crazy crazy about the charge at the new place but that locker room is freaking alright. Priceless. I literally just want toContinue reading “Clean”
I went super hard at the gym. Today, I feel like a zombie. All the pressure in my head is right at my forehead and my foot is achy. All the water has receded and the land is dry. I’m tired I’m tired I’m Tired
Will be Chicken Sandwiches Paired With Fries And Green Juice And I better not hear any shit about it
This Bitch wants the Truth! The truth is if I got stuck in an elevator and died my Parents would say I should’ve used the STAIRS!
When I was about 12 or 13, our youth group visited a nursing home. They told me it was full of old people…I like old people. It took forever just to get there, which was unsettling. They had them in storage, in the back. When we pulled up outside the Geneva County Home, I couldn’t evenContinue reading “Mrs.”
If you know this, But the Sun came out today. I think it’s important we show support without asking a bunch of fucked up questions. (Valarie.) Just wanted you to know.
I haven’t been eating well and today my workout sweat was fucking nasty… Drink more water!
At 15 I had one shot (one real shot) to escape in my own right and I squandered it trying to prove a point! I. wanted. out. I know he loved me, it wasn’t enough that motherfucker was crazy. (He, yes he, specifically, tried to break me. It didn’t work. I’m still who I’ve alwaysContinue reading “15”
I have beautiful skin everywhere but my face. AIN‘T THAT A BITCH? Yes. I blame my male relatives and male friends for pressuring me into sex leading to my acne. It was horrific stress acne and when I figured that out it went away. I swear one day it hit me that my Father (orContinue reading “Cheeky”
Because I was sandbagging it, is why. Why would I try to look my best so people can be rougher with me or mine? It was a significant event, and I’ve been wrong about outfits before; under is better. I can heft it up and fix my shit, but why, for who?? When I feelContinue reading “Because”
Purge Night is real. For most Americans it is New Year’s Eve. Like the sun will come up different. Gross. People do whatever they want. I don’t know, there’s something about Purge Night and these assholes in the Capitol. His buffoonery cost people their lives and that’s on everyone… I’m still shocked he was bannedContinue reading “Ragin’”
It took three boxes of strips to wax my body. Am I even human? Why is there so much hair on my hands? To what end? I had to do it a day apart so I had one mangy-looking leg for a minute. It hurts so bad. Upside, I was so angry while I wasContinue reading “Max”
Yesterday, I started with an exhausting workout…. and I mean I went at it. I assumed￼ that I’d be spending the day mostly lazy so I went crackers. No harm right? Nope. After my workout, and a long drive, I came home where we ended up moving 2 tons￼ of wood from the front. Today,Continue reading “M.B.”
I needed Katara’s number. Wait! Let me Finish! I did not reach out he sent me a stupid Christmas message in a bottle and my dumbass opened it. It was only his number in red and green. Of course. You know who he is. Anyway, I needed some help from Katara. I wanted to talkContinue reading “On Robert Pants II”
After seeing the Christmas pictures, tomorrow is a workout day. And a manscaping day. And maybe a finding some super-expired mushrooms day, and a baby sheep sacrifice day, and a RuPaul face-snatcher day. The next million days are workouts day. You better hold that camera￼ up, bitch. Listen to Bop Bop; he loves you. No,Continue reading “You Already Know…”
I’m watching the Star Wars Holiday Special…this couldn’t have actually happened, right? I’m tripping balls holiday-style…right? (Thank you, Dayton) -That opening looked like a Pizza Hut commercial. -White Walker Wookiee. This cannot be real. Also, I do not speak Wookie, can a bitch get subtitles?! -Who did Luke Skywalker’s base coat? That is incorrect… -AndContinue reading “SWISH”
I liked meaty Seth MacFarlane. He looked very huggable. “I like￼d her better when she had more meat on them hones.” Whatever, We’ll get there.
Will be Sushi Paired with Sushi We will be drinking Water …bitch you order a soda and I swear to god and I better not hear any shit about it
We were so poor- A tree falling was the most exciting shit in my life…for MONTHS. My Brother and I discovered it after a storm, and we used it as a staging ground for some epic fantasy shit. (For months) It was so much fun. But I’m a “millennial”. The fuck you say… Bitch! YouContinue reading “CDC”
Will be Chicken Salad Paired with, the Pretend Soup of the Day (Roasted Red Pepper) Featuring- Sour Cream and Onion PötAto chipś and Cream SodA AND I BETTER NOT HEAR ANY SHIT ABOUT IT
How about- I hated going anywhere and only routinely left my home for the gym or the food place… But now, that we all have to stay inside like it’s Silent Hill, I’m going stir-crazy. Anybody else?? What is that about?! The first season you’re thinking- “Look at these sad ass clowns”. Nine months laterContinue reading “Extra Intro-rdinary”
(Yes I said meal, deal with it) Will be PIZZA!!! With Cream Soda And I better not hear any shit about it. 🎶They sent the wrong size so I got it free🎶 Whooo!!
My Body…. My Body……. …………..my body………. If one of you bitches doesn’t feel sorry for me right now. Yesterday, I was a good person, and went to the gym. I was home by 6:30. (=Good Person) Today, my entire upper body hurts like a motherfucker. Fat is evil. Fat is literal (actual) death creeping upContinue reading “Ugh”
Last night, it struck me that I haven’t actually been enjoying it the way I should…I’ve got a ton of pictures of the moon but what I really like is looking at the damn thing. So this is the last one for a while, maybe forever. -But!- Happy December! (Or whatever it is) (wherever youContinue reading “Moonshine 12”
Will be a Big Mac Paired with a 6-piece with sweet-and-sour sauce And a Coke And I better not hear any shit about it I’ve been￼ havin’ some￼ fat days￼. Don’t you judge me!
…..I DO NOT KNOW
The Devil’s Moon 10-30-20