SWISH

I’m watching the Star Wars Holiday Special…this couldn’t have actually happened, right? I’m tripping balls holiday-style…right? (Thank you, Dayton) -That opening looked like a Pizza Hut commercial. -White Walker Wookiee. This cannot be real. Also, I do not speak Wookie, can a bitch get subtitles?! -Who did Luke Skywalker’s base coat? That is incorrect… -AndContinue reading “SWISH”

Ugh

My Body…. My Body……. …………..my body………. If one of you bitches doesn’t feel sorry for me right now. Yesterday, I was a good person, and went to the gym. I was home by 6:30. (=Good Person) Today, my entire upper body hurts like a motherfucker. Fat is evil. Fat is literal (actual) death creeping upContinue reading “Ugh”

Tonight’s Dinner

Cut to me busy all day to eat What am I going to eat What am I going to eat Like there isn’t leftover Lo mein right there. You’re going to eat the leftovers, and a hand full of fun-sized Snickers, is what you’re gonna do, bitch!

Happy Halloween

Look what I found- 1. That spiderweb was freakin’ gorgeous. Enormous. And 2. That is the meanest looking spider I have ever seen!! Kill them all my sweet, even the wasps, and that woodpecking-perckerhead too Slay Queen!….I’m so sorry for that But seriously, Happy Halloween or whatever!!

Happy Trails

Today, I *finally* made my own trail mix. First time and I freaking killed it. -Mixed Nuts -Dried Cherries -Dark Chocolate Expresso Beans -Jerky Oh my God, you guys. It is so freaking good. ***I wanted dried mango but the kind I got from Kroger should not be legal to sale. That shit was nasty.***

Antebellum

I’m watching it now, halfway through, fuck those one star reviews already. We aren’t even done-and fuck those one star reviews. It’s worth the price of admission. ***** Drag that bitch like Janelle Monáe. “Thank you so much, Rebecca!” like Gabourey Sidibe. ***** I feel like the only “folks” who want their money back forContinue reading “Antebellum”

On Robert Pants I

He was also *MARRIED* before he got *FAMOUS*. Robert(aka-Spongebob)Pants* is my ex-husband. I don’t know what the “Square” is about…Hollywood…🙄 He’s a good person…except he’s a freaking enchanted cleaning object. He was the sweetest thing I’d ever met. He saved me from a rip current near Bikini Atoll and I built that stupid fucking tree-dome…likeContinue reading “On Robert Pants I”